Weekdays or Weekends

[Till23]

@Dimity are you saying gardening will be beyond you in the long term or just while you’re recovering?

Are home help (I don’t know the proper name) a new thing for you to navigate?

[Dimity]

I'll be limited indefinitely @Till23 re weights and digging. And my eyesight isn't good.  Yes home help is new to me, I'm eligible for a bit of housework help and subsidised home handyman for small jobs. I guess I'll have to source more help privately. I'm realising there's quite a lot to do! I've been sub optimal physically and mentally for a long time so there's a lot to catch up on. 

[MJG017]

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@Till23 wrote:

I think sometimes people find weekends difficult because other people are doing things with friends and family and maybe they are not.

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@Till23  This was always me.  Now though with not working, every day feels like a weekend.  If it wasn't for appointments to remember and the fact that if my partner is home it must be a weekend, I would have little idea what day it is.  So it's much more of a 'any day' thing now.

weekends watching sport, for me, doesn't provide much of a distraction because it reminds me of the only period of my life when I wasn't by myself all the time.  In my 20's in used to play a lot of team sports so i was around other people quite a bit (for me anyway).

I find it a really hard thing to distract myself from.  Everywhere you look you see people together so it is hard to keep my mind off of it for long.  It's probably why most of my distraction methods are me sitting home alone doing little projects, playing games on my PC, anything to keep my mind occupied.

[Till23]

I’m sorry to hear that @Dimity 

Would you be able to potter around doing a bit of pruning or weeding, plant some small things like annuals etc?

I’m glad you’ve got home help to get a bit of inside help.

Are you living in your own house or renting? Sourcing people privately sounds expensive, but it’s better to not overdo it especially in this rehab time.

[Till23]

I agree @MJG017 it’s very hard when you see other people doing things. For me it’s hard seeing couples or people with kids. 
That’s why I like to do activities where it’s sort of expected it’s just one person. Even if you are in a team, you join as an individual (sometimes a friend group will join, but mostly individuals) and then you try to make some sort of friendship. Table tennis is good because you just swap around and play with different people in doubles (4 people per table).

 I find eating out by myself pretty excruciating and almost never do it. I would never go to a club or pub by myself, I’d feel too awkward. Both of those are worse on weekends, because of other people are usually in groups. When I’ve travelled for work you sometimes see other work travellers by themselves on weekdays.

Sometimes I go to talks or cinema by myself and that’s not too bad, because everyone is watching the front. Doing that sort of thing on weekdays seems better, because you nearly always see at least one other person by themselves whereas on the weekends it’s more couples or groups. 

[Dimity]

Yes I'm able to potter @Till23 but am currently challenged by the need for some major work in the backyard. It's my own place so I also have to think about house maintenance. Yes help can be expensive and also quite difficult to source. I'd like to find dependable people I can go back to. 

I guess I've procrastinated about some things too long and run out of time because I can't do them independently now. 

How about you, how do you manage?

[Till23]

Well @Dimity I haven’t just had surgery!
However some gardening and maintenance tasks got away from me in last few years because I’ve had cancer twice (surgery and radiotherapy both times) and diagnosed with a weird immune disease and then my father came to live with me in his last 6 months of life and I was his only carer. And I have cPTSD, anxiety and depression. I am slowly trying to get on top of things. Also have to clear out Dad’s house to sell, which is a a few hours away from me. So looking after my place is very slow. I’m now pretty much on top of mowing lawns and garden. The shed is a mess! House maintenance is behind though. I’m physically able to do most things though but sometimes my MH let’s me down

[Dimity]

@Till23 that's a lot! I cared for my  dad too - I deserted my own place for a couple of years - and started trying to pack up his house after he went into aged care, but horrendous family arguments blew up with my siblings who'd done nothing until then.

You've done amazingly well considering your health challenges. Yes mental health too. 

I hope you can pace yourself. But packing up your Dad's place sounds important. Sometimes there's a local company who can do a lot of the sorting  disposing and packing for you. 

[MJG017]

@Till23 

Yes, seeing the parents with kids is the hardest by far for me.

I always played team sports.  Even when i played 8-ball comps, it was in a team.  I think, as competitive as i am, it was the being around people that i liked the most.  I felt like i was apart of something.  If we won, there were people to celebrate with, if we lost, there were people to drink beer with.

I would definitely not go for a meal by myself.  Even a theatre I would find too awkward.  It's a bit strange for someone who spends so much time alone, to feel so awkward doing things alone.  But I guess its just the being alone in front of other people, convinced they're all looking at you and judging you.  You know that most likely no of them even notice you, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I does make a lot of sense that doing a lot of these thing on weekday would be easier.  Even if I was eating alone in a place and there were plenty of others eating alone, possible on lunch breaks from work, I think I would still feel like 'they know'.  It's not rational in any way, but it would just feel like I know, so the must know as well.  Even writing this makes me think just how messed up the mind must get to think like that.  I see it, and i have a much better understanding now of why, but it's still there.  I don't know, maybe it brings back subconscious memories of sitting alone at school.  It's just still really hard to get past.

I remember a few years ago, I was getting close to my 50th birthday.  My partner and I were at a local pub having dinner.  There was a long table with about 30 people and a big balloon with 60 on it.  I assumed it was someones 60th birthday... i'm very observant like that 🤔😁  I just remember the whole time struggling to look away.  I just could stop thinking about that is what a big birthday is supposed to be like, surrounded by family and friends. Its just over 4 years later and i still think of that a lot.  So it's not just these sights of other people together triggers feeling or memories, they can stay with you for a long time if they were painful enough.

[Till23]

Luckily my siblings are helping with Dad's @Dimity, he had a farm so it's a bit more involved, but we'll get there.

Moving out of your own place is a huge thing for you though. Fortunately we haven't had any arguments really, which is good. You've had a lot going on, so take it easy on yourself. I know the frustration of not being able to do things when you want to though.