Where Has My Favourite Person Gone? Understanding Absences in Our Community

[ENKELI]

@ArraDreaming apologies for the delay in my reply, I am only now seeing this thread.

I know how you feel and while I've been told several times that this forum is not for making friends I am finding it hard to cope with the fee of abandonment and lack of closure.

I am constantly worrying how they might be coping and what is happening in their lives. Even now as I write this I am crying. 

I don't contribute as much anymore in case I might develop a relationship with another user and have them leave without notice.

I'm sorry, I'm human and I form attachments. Perhaps this forum is not for me anymore because I can't not care and think about others.

I hope you're doing okay, and that Mrs Arra and your little ones are happy and healthy xoxo 

[Glisten]

@ArraDreaming @ENKELI 

I totally get it. I really do. There are few people who have the ability to see us with absolute clarity.

I’m not saying that they are perfect and sometimes they get it wrong.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s us. Often our own interpretation of what we read is augmented by our emotions at the time.

When I read my 2022 Forum posts, I am stunned to see how much progress I have made since then.

But t have to agree with you @ENKELI when you are at your lowest and you form a bond with that person, it is heartbreaking 💔 to have them suddenly disappear.

It is another loss and more grief on top of what you already have.

There is a definite void that cannot be filled.

Through a curtain of tears, I have to admit, that in my head, I talk to @tonys everyday.

I imagine walking up to the wooden bench that I built for Tones & @Gemma13 and me. It has great view of the sunset and we talk and laugh and they are well and happy together.

G

[ItisMe]

This is a great post. For me it addresses the feeling of neglect that people get when they don't hear back from people. Some people are great at being across communication channels and others not so much. With the number of apps there are out there is doesn't surprise me if I don't get a response but I have met people who are confused when people doesn't reply. I think it is safe to say giving people the benefit of the doubt is one way of dealing with ghosting. Peace and love to all ❤️

[Oaktree]

@Glisten 

I really miss @tonys @LeChuck @Sophia1 

We used to be a little group that had fun on the range.

[Glisten]

@Oaktree that’s why I live in the moment. The only thing that is consistent about life, is change.

Those cool people that slotted into our hearts and minds. Who inspired us and make us a better version of ourselves.

You and I, we are never going to get that buzz back.

I catch myself thinking 🤔 Maybe @tonys has posted? It’s never going to happen.

@Oaktree  think it’s normal for us to look back and acknowledge and appreciate what we had with those special people.

What did those friendships teach you @Oaktree?

[Sophia1]

Thank you @Oaktree 

A very special honour to have my name included in this:

"Where Has My Favourite Person Gone? Understanding Absences in Our Community"

I understand that there are a myriad of emotions and thoughts when suddenly a person with whom you have communicated with frequently,  disappears without any message.

It hurts I can remember feeling this in the past with two former members.

I still think  about them when I rarely visit the forums.

I want to add my perspective as well.

I speak for myself of course. For me I was just not able  to sign back on. I had reached a point in my life where I had lost my words. I had lost Sophia.

I was drowning in my pain of emotions and had to withdraw.

Those of you who know me well know that I self isolate in real life.

This withdrawing from here was an extension of that concept.

I can unequivacolly state that I did not leave anyone here I withdrew further within myself to heal. Intuitively.

Self protection.

I had nothing to offer anyone.

I did not make a decision to do this either. This eventuated.

At times I would think of my friends and did not have the strength, again the words to write.

So I wanted to make a point that some of us reach a stage where we cannot stay and are unable to write about this.

Think of it as yet another symptom added onto the zillions already experienced that requires us to disappear.

Not from you from Sophia.

I think that I could write 20 pages and still not be able to put into words exactly what happens.

It is not ghosting!  It is not abandoning!

It is self preservation from ourselves.

I believe that this is a great thread and I hope that it continues to allow people to express how they feel whether they are the ones to be left behind or the ones who disappear.

You all have a right to acknowledge your reactions.

Sophia

[Mathew76]

Could be wrong but am pretty certain that one of the goals of this community is to build resilience and to up hold basic decency.

This can not be done if the forum becomes a reliable crutch and slams "favourite persons'' for not being 100% available. 

One needs to accept that slamming ones favourite person is not ok and is coercive abuse and is probably illegal in some States.

Understand that that person has the right to their own boundaries and does not have to give excuses, after all how would one like to be treated like that? 

[rav3n]

for sure! @Mathew76 not sure if you've read the first post from this thread, but you're absolutely right about respecting people boundaries, and thus their choices around interacting on the forums. 

it's hard not knowing where our 'favourite person' has gone, or what they're up to now - but at least we can cherish the interactions we have had with them. 😊

[Oaktree]

@Mathew76 

Of course people have the right to come and go but that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss them. I am happy for my friends that don’t need the forums anymore because they have gotten stronger. I worry for those that have retreated more within themselves but I hope to see them again when they have words to share.

[Bunniekins]

@Gibbs  i have to go and not answer any more of your posts.  our relationship is not healthy for me.  it is making me sick both mentally and physically.  not only on the forums but in real life.  so i will read your posts but not answer them. not out of being cruel just because i have to look after me.Good bye Gibbs i wish you all the best in the future. Bun