Don’t want to accept the pain

[creative_writer]

 

@Jynx as long as I politely bother people, I’m good 😂. Some people are very busy and sometimes emails get sent to junk. I am extremely overstimulated and it looks like my phone was too so it decided to take a nap until I plugged it in. 

I’ve attached an image of the henna on my mildly swollen hand (not even sure you can tell in the image, I have really thin hands with long fingers). No lifting heavy things for me anymore

[Jynx]

@creative_writer hahaha you've just reminded me randomly (it was 'polite bothering that did it) of this subreddit called 'malicious compliance' - it's all about people being very petty about following unfair rules to the LETTER as a form of protest. It's mostly written stories, but I also just found this in there to demonstrate lol 

TW tho for racism

Your hand looks amazing omg!! Aww I see a bit yeah, you got your fluids up? Helps with healing!! 

I love each finger has different design, and it all flows so well!! Love!

[creative_writer]

@Jynx it’s a chronic sort of issue, they haven’t been able to find a cause. I have wondered whether I should go to a specialist as they can do specialised tests. But I don’t know, I don’t want more meds. I don’t know if my gut is warning me or whether I have health anxiety.

I just hope this time it doesn’t go away after a week like fake stuff does.

I’m incredibly irritable tonight, not even sure why I keep picking arguments. Additionally my eye goop has gotten worse and I’m getting a lot of pus coming out

[Jynx]

@creative_writer it's such a dizzying thing to navigate, the ol' health anxiety hey. I feel ya. I'm trying to find that balance between trusting my body and looking after it when it gives me signals. Alas, still learning how to interpret the signals!! 

Oh noooo... I have been irritable myself, it's definitely hormone related for me could that be a factor for you as well? Like I literally had to walk away from a silly misunderstanding last night cos I could feel myself arcing up to pick a fight hey. 

You poor thing, the eye goop would NOT be helping, no wonder you're cranky!! 

[creative_writer]

@Jynx I go into a loop and wonder whether the symptoms I’m experiencing are connected, I get joint point and mild swelling, chronic fatigue, I get sick frequently and now I’m experiencing a flare in bipolar symptoms. Is it all unrelated? I’ll be honest I haven’t had my hormones checked for a while, last time they came normal and so have generic blood results. People will tell you it’s in your head or you overuse your joints, but is it really? You know they say trauma causes inflammation. One day I woke up with ton of anxiety, I had not considered before that maybe regular blood work doesn’t pick up everything.

I did what I had to suppress it all. I honestly was left with the impression I’ll need to swallow the SA memories myself and move forward. I feel selfish that by being open about my mental health I am tarnishing my family’s reputation

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I'm trying to teach myself that it's all SUPER related... mind-body connection and all that. Cos then statements like 'it's all in my head' aren't so invalidating, cos literally ALL PAIN is all in our heads! Psychosomatic pain is still pain, it's still real. The difference is just in how we treat it - me, I'm trying to find ways to combine my psychotherapy with physical and somatic stuff but it's slow going. Cos there's still so much of a divide between the fields of medicine and psychology, despite us now knowing just how much our mental state can shape our physical experiences. 

So I'm tryna come at it from both ends - keeping up with therapy and trying to introduce more of an embodied experience when I do stuff like yoga or walking. 

Ach, I do hear you hun. Maybe this is one of those questions that will only become clear in time? 

I gotta dash, hope you have a super chill night darlin, thanks for the chats 💜

[creative_writer]

@Jynx my body is being very frustrating. The chronic pain, the body flashbacks. The body flashbacks are the worst and I’m having it again tonight 😢. It’s disgusting. I keep getting them on a regular. I still struggle to sit with them.

I don’t even know how to begin to reduce all the stress placed on my body.

Thank you 💖. I’ll catch you again when you’re around and I hope tonight goes smoothly

[creative_writer]

Does anyone know alternative to meds for ADHD. Not being able to get much done exacerbates my anxiety and bipolar disorder. Maybe being a functional person will help my mental health. I’m trying matcha and saffron. I’ve decided to increase my saffron intake a bit, not sure if it’ll help. I just hope it will, or my brain will be tempted to resorting to an unhelpful way

[creative_writer]

Why can’t I just be a normal functioning person?

[creative_writer]

What kind of life is this? I’m not really living