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Oh sorry @Former-Member I forgot to respond to your earlier queries.
Yes I'm safe, just very down the last few day. No I'm not suicidal, thanks for your concern.
Calling crisis lines is a good idea - it took years of prodding & encouraging from my psychologist, to get me to phone them for the first time.
She gave me homework to phone lifeline about 2 years ago, just to get used to doing it (or the idea).
She even said that I could tell them that my psychologist had given me homework to phone them (which I did).
Unfortunately I haven't been able to get myself to phone one of those services for many months. I can't seem to express myself or know what to say.
Adge
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