Depression

[Hhorse]

How do people cope with the highs and lows of severe depression I have a good psychologist but go from travelling fairly well to then thinking of ways to end my miserable existence. I just cannot seem to find a level playing field. I feel so alone.

[Kindtoyourmind]

Hey @Hhorse 

Sorry for your struggles - it can be so difficult! I have struggled with highs and lows for a long time and I think its always changing to your current circumstances and mechanisms in place.

Things that have worked for me in the past is having a person that you feel safe with that you can speak to or reach out to so you know you're not floating in space alone! I have a cat and he is my world, having him with me also helps a lot in those times. 

Having things that momentarily help I have also found helpful - for me its a shower and reset, music, TikTok to disassociate for a bit if needed, and having a GOOD cry always helps me too - I find it releases the pressure and stress and allows me to have a better sleep. 

If you find a mantra to help get you through the really hard days - I like to try and focus on the "Glimmers" of a day, rather than the downs. So anything that made that day somewhat okay - it was raining, cold, my cat looked cute, shower was nice, got to get a coffee, spoke to a nice person - anything that seems like the good in the world.

These are just things that work for me of course and everyone is different - I hope you find something that helps you get through the harder days and have some better ones ahead!

Always reach out when you need - its hard living up and down.

[rav3n]

hey @Hhorse you're not alone in those feelings. 

it can be exhausting having those thoughts and ideations. one of the things that's helped me is knowing that thoughts, the good and bad, are not facts. that feelings, the good and bad, are temporary. it reminds that change is always possible, and that things can get better.

celebrating every lil win helps too. you're here, you're reaching out - that's already big wins. proud of you for being here, and we're here for you.

[Till23]

Hi @Hhorse and welcome to the forums

I am glad you have sought treatment already

Do you have depression or bipolar, do you know?

Either way you aren't alone - I actually started a thread called game of snakes and ladders about the climbing up the ladder only to land on a snake and slide back down again.

The most common trajectory of recovery from MH issues is not linear, most people have ups and downs or spirals, so know that you are certainly not the only one.

I do not know if you are on meds or psychological treatment only, but if not, meds can sometimes even out the upas and downs a bit (usually not completely, but somewhat).

I suppose the other thing is that MH recovery is it's usually a long game - there's really no magic bullet. Some people do have one episode, recover and do not have further episodes, but it's more common to have more that one episode or a chronic type course. Also the underlying cause of your MH issue can give an indication of likely course, but not always. Also if you have other MH or even physical issues simultaneously, that can change the course.

Hopefully other people will have some helpful suggestions, no one method will work for everyone. Sometimes reading other stories is helpful. Trying to "look on the bright side" literally can be helpful esp is it's a gratitude thing, like noticing three things you are grateful for each day. 

[Hhorse]

Thanks for your time in replying. I'm on meds and hate the weight gain but am still currently taking. I'm supposedly MDD and BPD plus PTSD. My psychologist suggested a hospital stay today but I sidestepped. I'm  struggling and in a dangerous zone but I just can't go to a hospital environment at the moment.

I'm hoping things improve with time and maybe a bit more rest. I'm trying too suck it up and  build a bridge and get over it.anyway thanks for reading and replying. 

[Jynx]

@Hhorse just a lil tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them - use the @ symbol and a drop down will appear, and you can choose their name. If their name isn't there, you can type it out and it should then appear for you to select, then it will show up in blue, like this: @Till23 

[Till23]

Yes @Hhorse most meds for MH issues cause weight gain, but it is manageable. In the short term probably not the main worry.

So you've got a few things happening, which usually, but not always, means a longer duration and a bit more trialling of things to get to the optimum treatment.

Do you have supports outside of your psychologist, like friends or family.

The forums are a great place to get some support, or even just to feel like you are not the only one struggling.

Self care, like resting, is good remember to keep on being easy on yourself, and reach out if you need/want to. I'm sure people here will be happy to walk beside you on your journey.

[Hhorse]

@Till23 I'm not sure if I'm replying correctly I am not the most tec savvy or have the patience for technology .

Thanks for your kind words of encouragement, I don't particularly feel kind towards myself lately as things seem to be roller coasting rather quickly and I just cannot stop the ride.

I just don't seem to have any positive news in my worthless life and I'm just going in circles. I had a chance to tell my psychologist but decided not to share as I couldn't see the point.

I feel like saying stop the world I want to get off. Cheers H

[Till23]

Yep @Hhorse you've nailed the replying protocol!

I think a lot of people have had those "stop the world, I want to get off" times, including me.

Sometimes it is hard to be kind to yourself, believe me, I know.

Sometimes it's easier to start with things for which you are grateful. I am grateful that there is lots of wildlife where I live and I get to hear the birds throughout the day. Or more basic things like I'm glad I have a roof over my head, I'm glad I had enough to eat today so I won't go to bed hungry, or I'm glad I got to feel the sun on my skin today or the breeze in my hair etc.

Believe me your life is not worthless, I know at times it might feel hard to believe that, but it's a fact.

One reason you might feel you are going in circles or are on a roller coaster is because more often than not, MH recovery is not linear, it has it's up and downs and/or it's spirals. 

Sometimes it's hard to open up or be vunerable in front of other people, especially if you are not used to it. Most people do find it helpful at least to some extent.

I am happy to be here for you to say anything you feel comfortable doing so.