Oscillation between two mind sets

[PizzaMondo]

I can imagine these things don't feel nice right now, thank you for sharing with me @creative_writer

I'm sorry to hear that you've had some body flashbacks recently, I am glad you're here connecting with us and community. What do you like to do for fun? I'm wondering if doing something that brings you joy today would be helpful in lessening some of the icky feelings?

[creative_writer]

@PizzaMondo, I like watching funny videos on YouTube, I love kitties. I watch TV, sometimes read but I have been mostly reading uni stuff lately. I do have an online class for 30min soon, and have a GP to get script and an extension med certificate just in case I can’t finish Fridays assignment. I also have a peer support worker appointment afterwards

[PizzaMondo]

I'm there with you on watching funny videos @creative_writer ! Sounds like you have some great things there that bring you joy - do you think before your class (if there is time) or maybe after you would like to indulge in something humourous online or cute (such as kitties!!) .. or maybe both, funny kitties?! I feel when I let myself have a little break and do something even for a short while that brings me joy, I can better prepare myself for what is next, e.g. singing along to my favourite paramore song or even just taking a moment to do a downward dog stretch so my back can feel less tense.

It's a great idea you are being mindful of your needs and seeking out a script and med certificate to support your assignment due on Friday. While I know how good it feels to complete an assignment and get it out of the way, I hope you listen to what you and your body needs and take it easy also 🙂

I encourage you to share with your peer support worker some of these feelings you described to me this morning - might feel good to verbally release it from your mind and body today ❤️

[creative_writer]

@PizzaMondo, I find kitties so cute, I feel like biting their little cheeks. I used to listen to Paramore all the time, I preferred their old music. I still have it downloaded on my phone.

I got the med certificate and script. PRN dose added has meant I’m running out quicker. Maybe I need the PRN as my reg meds, I’ll talk to my pdoc tomorrow.

I’m going to see how the Friday assignment goes. I’m better, but this stuffy nose and swollen throat are still bothersome. It wasn’t good for my MH this weekend. I was very suicidal yesterday.

I spoke to my peer support worker which helped. He is really nice. I just wish I could have supportive people in my rl but forming relationships is hard. I know this self isolation can contribute to higher suicidal risk when distressed. I’m just scared to ask for help

[PizzaMondo]

I agree with you @creative_writer - and also I giggled when you said you want to bite their cheeks 😛 I know what you mean, ha! What's one of your favourite songs from their old stuff? I really love their new music too, I saw them live recently and lived out my elder emo dreams 😛

Good idea to talk to your pdoc tomorrow - sometimes I'll go in with all my questions so I don't forget anything! So write down any on your phone or on some paper if need be!

Yes, see how you go. Remember to take breaks in between your studying too, I always make sure I have some snacks and hydrating drinks ready to go when I am in 'study-mode'. I'm sorry to hear that yesterday was not a good mental health day, especially over the weekend when you're sick. Did you share with your GP today your throat is still swollen and bothersome?

I'm glad to hear your peer support session went well this arvo. Relationships are hard, I will agree with you there, but you're doing the steps to reach out and connect with others here!

I am curious about these 'scared' feelings when asking for help - what might happen if you do ask for help? or might not?

[creative_writer]

@PizzaMondo, not sure what’s my favourite song, I loved a lot of them to be honest, I really loved Brand New Eyes album.

I definitely do need to keep up with reg meals and water. Electrolytes are also good. The weather has been wild in Melbourne, it’s autumn, yet more days in the 30s predicted.

I told my GP about my throat. I’m hoping it will settle down by itself, it is already on the mend but if it persists I will go back to the GP.

I found it hard going to my parents for emotional support growing up, and I didn’t really have many friends. So I carried a lot of emotions by myself. I am also afraid of getting hurt, being rejected and being invalidated. It also doesn’t help to have a mum with trust issues. Trauma doesn’t help with trust either, I’m used to never feeling fully safe with people, not even MH supports

[creative_writer]

I think I must have hit a sore spot. Does anyone ever leave a therapy appointment on the verge of tears?

[Jynx]

@creative_writer I used to go through like 20-30 tissues every single session lol, but considering what you've said in the past about how difficult it is for you to cry in front of others, sounds like it was a pretty intense appt? 

Anything you wanna chat about? Or if you wanna use the space to decompress/vent, I'm here to listen 😊

[creative_writer]

@Jynx, I didn’t realise what happened within me until the end of the appointment. Afterwards I had thoughts about trauma unravel, even though I didn’t talk about it today. I guess trauma affects my relationships with others. I have social anxiety, I fear having my boundaries crossed and being exploited, fear of rejection and fear of being misunderstood in the mix too

[Jynx]

Aye for sure @creative_writer it seeps into everything... which makes sense, considering trauma impacts our survival systems, and the core biological imperative, our survival instinct. And when something, real or perceived, threatens it, it can create scars that ripple out into other aspects of our lives, even in the most unexpected ways. 

A therapeutic relationship is still an interpersonal relationship, so it makes sense that your social anxiety would still be kicking up whilst in that space, even if you're not talking about it directly. 

How are you feeling within yourself now? System starting to settle yet?