Oscillation between two mind sets

[creative_writer]

@RiverSeal, I'm not even sure what I am doing on the forums to be honest. I wanted to handle everything by myself. Reaching out to crisis lines makes me anxious. I do have a safety plan saved somewhere

[RiverSeal]

How do you feel about looking for the safety plan @creative_writer? Staying connected is important and maybe chatting with your friends here will be beneficial rn. Is there a thread that you could post in and tag a few Members? RiverSeal 

[creative_writer]

@RiverSeal, I think having a safety plan is helpful, it is just hard when the urges are strong. Hopefully this settles down soon, I may be safe for now. I don't see myself resisting for the rest of the day if the urges were to remain this strong

[RiverSeal]

Have you heard of the Beyond Now app from Beyond Blue @creative_writer? It can be helpful to have a safety plan on your phone so you can find it easily anytime. Maybe you could plan to do something when you get out of bed to occupy yourself do you think? RiverSeal 

[creative_writer]

@RiverSeal, I did create a safety plan on Beyond Blue for it to be randomly deleted. I have managed to save mine to my notes now from email. It’s a pretty similar format to beyond blue. I did the safety plan with HOPE in 2022. I’ve had part of my lunch, waiting for the sweet potatoes to be done

[RiverSeal]

ok @creative_writer good that you have a safety plan and a bit weird it just disappeared from the app. Maybe have a think about your next move while you enjoy the sweet potatoes. RiverSeal 

[creative_writer]

@RiverSeal, yeah, maybe it was a technical thing.

I’ve gone back to bed. Need to get some more studying done and will be making some matcha in a bit

[Doog]

Hi @creative_writer.

I pretend I'm OK most of the time and I fall apart when I get home. I live by myself. I tell myself everyone is sick of caring about me I am such hard work, so I am saving my 'sharing' until I really need it.

I don't think it's a good approach. It's just me.

[creative_writer]

@Doog, it’s hard. I feel like I’ve sort of started trusting people less as I have gotten older. I’m not sure if there is anything anyone else can do anyways, I always strive to be independent

[Acanthiza]

Hey @creative_writer  I hope things are getting a bit better. I think you are right in some ways, it is good to reach out and talk to people but in the end they cannot think and feel for us.

It sounds like you are having a really rough time. Responding to what you said before... I haven't had your experiences but sometimes I will wake up and be completely destroyed mentally, usually because of dreams. Or maybe they are just a symptom?

Anyway, it is unfair not to even have a chance to prevent it. I do my best to accept that things will be bad for a while and let all the thoughts and emotions just come and go, not always easy or practical.

I don't know what is the best thing, how much to rely on people or anything. I do know that complete isolation made things much worse for me personally.

Blah blah, really I just wanted to say you aren't completely alone and I understand at least a little how you are feeling.

@Doog  I definitely have times where I am just functioning for other people's benefit and then when I am alone everything goes to pieces. Slowly getting better at looking after myself...