I'm unsure of my options, venting.

[The-red-centaur]

I've been feeling down, overwhelmed, stressed, and I've been getting some dark thoughts I have not had for a while. 

I'm unsure how to proceed. All my options have pros and cons and I'm just voicing my thoughts in hopes to figure that out so here it goes....

Option 1. Reaching out to my local health team. Pros: they are technically my clinical support team. Neg: I have been having having issues with the support provided by them, it's been a long time since I reached out to them, I don't have a current care coordinator and they in the process of finding a new one. 

Option 2. Pushing the feelings and thoughts away, just dealing with it and moving on. Pros: pretending things are fine and focussing on distractions and practice things i need to address draws rhe attention away from the thoughts and gives space for the things stressing me out. Neg: there is only so much I can keep through before snapping. 

Option 3. Sitting with it. Pros: allowing myself to feel what is going on, and process the things happening and impacting my mood. Neg: if I do nothing I feel like I'll be completely overcome by it, not dealing with my stressors will make me more stressed, im scared sitting with these thoughts and feelings will make me act impulsively and not in my best interest. 

Option 4. Act on the thoughts and give in to the depression. Wallow and sink. Pros: the easiest of it all (thanks to past behaviours) Neg: I don't want to go backwards. Pros: I'm just tired, I don't want to fight this shit for ever. Neg: acting will just reinforce the shit and make it worse. 

Weighing up it all just leads me more unsure. I'm tired of mh issues running my life. I don't know which way to turn. My ndis supports aren't much help rn. I have things I need to be doing. But I'm just tired. I can't do it anymore. 

[Ru-bee]

Hey @The-red-centaur How are you feeling now after writing all these options out?

From your final sentence there I'm hearing that you might currently be leaning towards option 4, which is pretty understandable especially if you're feeling worn-out and overwhelmed right now.

I'm wondering if it needs to only be choose one type of deal? For example maybe you could push it away for a bit until you're feeling a bit more able to sit with the feelings? Or if right now you feel like you're not able to push the feelings away and you don't feel safe to sit in them, it might be good to contact your team and see what support they're able to give? Or whatever combination... I guess I'm just thinking that choosing one doesn't need to rule out any others, maybe you could try one while still knowing that you still have other options, what do you think?

[The-red-centaur]

Yeh. @Ru-bee doing a bit of it all might help. 

I spoke to my local mental health clinic briefly. It wasnt very helpful bit I guess it was ok verbalising my feelings. They booked me in with the psychiatrist on Monday, not that is beneficial for this moment, but if things deteriorate it's there. 

I'm supposed to do some household chores and grocery shopping today. Moving to get things done and get out feels too overwhelming. I need to kick myself in the butt coz it might shift my focus if I get out and get food. 

Idk. 

[Ru-bee]

Hey! Good on you for making that call! @The-red-centaur That's a good step to have taken and now you've got that set up if you need it, like you said

In terms of kicking yourself in the butt, what if you just did 5 minutes of chores? If at the end of those 5 minutes you can't do anymore that's fine, at least you did 5 minutes! And if you feel like you can do 5 more minutes then that's awesome too! I know it helps me sometimes just to start without the pressure of needing to do it all, although often once I do start I will keep on going at least for a bit longer

[The-red-centaur]

@Ru-bee i have just finished my grocery shopping...grabbed myself some extra choc while I was at it. 😅

I'm ready to collapse in bed with it and maybe put my book on for a bit, and i eventually will have lunch to make lunch. In the afternoon I'll see what I can do. 

[Ru-bee]

Look at you go @The-red-centaur! Hope you enjoy your choccy and have a good rest now! 

[Till23]

Hi @The-red-centaur 

It's not easy when you don't feel well especially if you have fatigue as well.

It's good that you have been able to think through your situation and come up with your own options. So that mental task in itself would have been tiring.

Are you aware of anything that has caused you to feel stressed, down and overwhelmed? If there's a possibility to change that or a possibility of changing the way you respond to it, that would help.

Of course whatever it is might just be the straw that broke the camel's back.

I agree with @Ru-bee, there's also the possibility of doing a combination of your options.

Going shopping I think was an excellent choice (especially the choccy bit 😂) , as was contacting your support team. So you've gone the combo!

I think also that just dial back a bit and taking things easy just doing as much of your chores as you can manage and not being hard on yourself if don't feel as though you have acheived much.

I think distraction can work in the short term and when things are acute, but as you said it's not a long time solution. I hear you are doing that a little by reading your book, so I would say (even though I know it's hard) is to try and do a little bit of that and a little bit of chores, have a bit of choccy, do a little bit of a task that needs doing, so you mix up things you like/want to do with those you don't so much, but overall things will get done and that will help to make you feel better as well.

Hope you find your way through this difficult time

[DownMoreThanUp]

When i was in your situation i found that simply loving myself forgiveness, grace, mercy and kindness, and to REFUSE to agree with my tormenting negative, nasty and judgmental thoughts any longer, no matter how bad i was feeling.

In the end i found that life grown in the loving kindness was FAR better than remaining with my tormentors. From that day on i learned let go of my bad life, and allowed love to grow me new self stronger than depression could bring to bear.

This is how loving myself good life, had me escape my pit.

Much love trying this as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6rYPHmSzcE

[rav3n]

hey @The-red-centaur just read this thread - so proud of you for reaching out to your team and going shopping instead and getting some much deserved choccy 😋 they say stressed backwards is dessert hehe, which ones are your fav??

hope you were able to get some time to rest up and listen to your books today. it might not feel like much, but every step you took towards pushing through today were such big wins and i'm really glad you're here 💙

[The-red-centaur]

@rav3n @DownMoreThanUp @Till23 

Thanks for the input and replies. 

I rested and napped this afternoon then managed a board game with this evenings support worker. 

I'm ready to head to bed early and hope tomorrow is better. 

I didn't get much of the housework done today, but at least I got food for the week. I will hopefully get some of done tomorrow.  

I grabbed licorice bullets as my chocolate treats. I finished the bag as my lunch today hehe.