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Managing relationships

About Managing relationships
Talk about challenges relating to family, friends, romantic and other types of relationships.
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MistSalJ|Casual Contributor|Last message 3 days ago
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Flowergirl94|New Contributor|Last message 5 days ago
Anxiously attached & broken up

Hi, so this is my first time posting on here. I am going through a break up after a 4 year relationship. I really thought he was the one and I’ve been deeply saddened and heartbroken. He initiated it, saying he feels he isn’t ready for all the future things, isn’t where he thought he would be at his age (28, and I’m 30) and that he needs time to be on his own and work on his own life as he feels the relationship has been the only thing making him happy. He also feels like he was putting all his energy into the relationship, and had none left to give himself. Where I am struggling the most, is the very heavy realisation that I was quite anxiously attached. There are habits I am not proud of, and I clung on very tight for years, often trying to get him to talk about the future with me, in turn what I suspect pushed him away. i am ready to do all the work to figure my attachment out, but I’m just heartbroken I didn’t realise this all sooner. I had an idea, but it’s really taken this to take a good look at myself and my unhealthy traits.we had an overall happy relationship with a lot of love, which is why after 2 and a half months we are still trying to cut off contact. But he is stern in thinking this is for the best for him. im not even sure why im posting. Just maybe reaching out to see if anyone else has been through this, and is there light on the other side of being anxious and ruining a relationship?  

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BottleLid|New Contributor|Last message 6 days ago
Queer Marriage Breakdown

I'm 38F, and I was married to a 29F. I identify as monogamous, while my wife identified as polyamorous, although for much of our relationship it didn’t play out in practice. Over our four years together, we had some struggles, but the people she connected with typically fell within what I considered “open relationship” territory. During COVID, I started a business and she ended up stuck in Canada for five months. While there, she started a new relationship and, in many ways, neglected ours. It left some deep wounds that we never properly addressed. When she returned to Australia, I didn’t know how to slow down the pace I had set in my business — I was afraid of losing clients. That work pattern continued for two more years until I hit a wall. I was burnt out, overwhelmed, and began to contemplate self-harm. Around the same time, she returned to Canada and met someone new. Their messaging was constant — even during a holiday we took together in Europe shortly after. When I returned home, she stayed overseas longer and had more sexual relationships, including with someone she met in Spain toward the end of the trip. That person has since come to Australia — earlier than planned — and they’ve already spent a week together. Back in Australia, things were strained. I felt invisible during our trip — her parents joined for most of it, speaking a language I don’t understand, while her Canadian connection continued to message her constantly. I was emotionally exhausted and mentally spiraling. When she wanted to go on a road trip together, I kept saying I couldn’t — that it was all too much. I was hanging on by a thread. A week later, she told me our relationship was over. I haven’t been able to let go. I keep holding on to the idea of saving our marriage. Sometimes things feel stable, then something triggers me and I lash out. She had still been living with me, but during her week away with the new person from Spain, I packed her things and told her she had to leave. I had said earlier that she could stay, and she was looking for rentals. We’d previously agreed to keep presenting as a couple for the sake of her permanent residency application, since she was on a partnership visa. But in a moment of anger, I threatened to contact immigration to have her visa reviewed or cancelled. She’s told me this is abuse and psychological violence. And I know she’s right. I know these things aren't okay. I know that when you love someone, you don’t treat them this way. But I also don’t know how to stop holding on, or how to fully let her go. I feel like there are so many issues all crashing down at once — the breakup, the betrayal, the visa stress, the loneliness, the business pressure — and it's overwhelming. I feel like I’m barely coping. I guess I’m just looking for a space to be honest, to take responsibility, and maybe to hear from anyone who’s been through something similar.

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Kalista_starr|Casual Contributor|Last message 5 days ago
Advice on what to do about my love life

Basically, I met this guy and we instantly clicked. We shared so much in common and he was so easy and fun to talk to, not like anyone else I have ever met. After a couple weeks of talking he asked me out and so we started dating but he quickly lost interest and went to his ex. After a while we started talking again and we talked it out and got back together. We were together for around 6-7 months when he started to get dry and always overthinking. I am so loyal to the point where I brush things of so the relationship lasts. And then one day he broke up with me, blaming me for liking his friend (when I didn’t), and though-out the relationship he was a little worrying sometimes and we didn’t speak for weeks until one day a couple weeks ago we started talking, just as friends this time. He has a girlfriend, and I would never do anything to break them up. But this whole time I still have loved him. This past week we have gotten really close, expressing how we miss each other, and how he loves me so much and left me because he was too scared to get attached. And lately we have been saying I love you, as friends but we know deep down it’s more than that. But he told me he is going to get back to me and break up with his girlfriend, but I don’t know if I should wait and go back to him. I don’t know because he worries me sometimes by going dry for a bit, and why should I wait for someone to love me when they are with another they love. I am not sure if this makes sense, there is so much more to this but I’m trying to keep it short. Advice on what to do about my love life

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Pixelatedpixie|New Contributor|Last message 7 days ago
My life has imploded

A few weeks ago, I discovered that my husband has been unfaithful for most of our marriage. I found a phone that he had been hiding with hidden social media accounts, full of women that he was sleeping with. One of these women he had been sleeping with for around 2 years. He swore that he didn't have feelings for any of them, however that he started looking for attention elsewhere because he felt like I hated him and made him feel unwanted. Not only did I have to try and comprehend his betrayal, but I also discovered that he had passed an STI on to me. We have been living in the same house since then as there is very limited housing available in my area. My life has become a cycle of obsessing over real estate, attending inspections, lodging applications all while he keeps telling me that he doesnt want me to leave, he loves me, and he wants to find a way past all this. My head feels like it is going to explode. I dont know why, but his sadness feels like it is my fault and responsibility and I am struggling to stay strong. I dont understand why I feel sorry for him when it is my life that has imploded. My family refuses to speak to him and I feel so trapped and alone because I am just stuck until I find somewhere else to live. I barely get through a day without crying and he keeps hugging me and trying to be affectionate with me and convince me to stay with him and I just feel so hopeless. I am seeing a counsellor and on medication but I am struggling to cope. Part of me wants to work it out with him but I think it is just because it feels comfortable and easy. There were alot of red flags during the relationship to suggest that his infidelity started long before he says it did. He has also shown signs of being narcissistic, controlling and jealous of what I did and who I spent my time with, all the while he was doing whatever he wanted with whoever he wanted.   I dont know what I am wanting to achieve from this post.

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AlphabetSoup23|New Contributor|Last message 8 days ago
BPD/BPAD/CPTSD - Destroying my Partner

Hi, First time poster and relieved that sites like this exist. I was wondering if I can get some perspective as I am trying to do all the right things but I feel like I am emotionally destroying my partner from BPD.For reference: My partner is 43M (ADHD, medicated), I am 34F (BPD, BPAD, CPTSD, suspected ADHD by clinician, medicated for BPAD). Current Scenario:My partner and I have been together for around 9 months. I am doing EMdR for trauma therapy and just started DBT for BPD but I just feel like it’s not going anywhere fast enough due to the significant effects on my relationship. Normally I would just trust the process and work on things as they come but at the moment I am just so sick of the rollercoaster and I want to get off.I have broken up with him many times because of this but we still seem to find a way back to each other. I can see how my actions are having a serious impact on him and I feel like I need to end it constantly as my splits are loaded with emotional abuse and that is not okay.For some history:I spent 4 years single getting my bipolar in remission and then we started to date and BPD reared its incredibly ugly head. I am trying to gain validation internally instead of constantly seeking it from my partner. I am trying so hard to emotionally regulate but I go from explosive and saying mean things to him, then withdrawing out of shame, and then completely fine 2 hours later and ready to apologise but the damage has been done.It is a roundabout and we are so exhausted from it especially considering that I cycle multiple times a day sometimes. Key triggers:I need routine and structure to manage bipolar and BPD so that I can feel mentally, physically, and emotionally safe. Because of my partner’s ADHD - time blindness, cognition issues/memory, and overwhelm - it makes it really hard to align with him and I feel I have to constantly be the driving force behind the management of things like the house and life admin. This is so much on top of everything else. My partner requires the opposite as his brain works so vastly different. Whilst he does have trauma of his own, he ordinarily feels safe but since we moved in together all that has changed as my splits cause him to feel emotional unsafe. Then it seems that he feels caged or like I’m treating him condescendingly which isn’t something I ever want him to feel. I am trying so hard to just exist at this point and I feel so lost. I’m doing therapy and I’ve just managed to convince him to try out therapy as well for his trauma and to see if there are more ADHD coping methods that could help him and us, but i just don’t know if we both have the stamina for this long term. Sounds a bit lame given my age (34) but it's actually the first time I feel like I am in love with someone which makes this even harder.All perspectives welcome.Thank you.   

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gayu|New Contributor|Last message 9 days ago
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XTBH12|Casual Contributor|Last message 10 days ago
Help

Hi there, I am struggling to ask for help, and I don't really know where this would be categorised and this is basically a condensed version because it truly is a really long story. I don't really like sharing with therapists or people that judge me for expressing myself. I am a person who is well-connected and should be based on my career choice, which I find hard for me to express to therapists and face-to-face therapists, etc. But I really do not know what to do, I'm not endangering myself nor do I have thoughts to do, because life is precious and should be because of one storm should there be a quick solution, but I am crying for help. I met a man 3 years ago and when we were first starting out he was literally perfect, in my eyes. Then over-time I started noticing things like women products in his house, his clothes having a "woman-ey" scent, earrings lying around, etc.  But he has a long-time partner, who have an extremely complicated relationship, because she is an extreme narcissist and she is nothing but a bully. She sent him to see a psychologist, which was when I met him, however I didn't know this until 6 months into the relationship. When she basically made him go to another state for a holiday, she went through his phone without his consent, and starting stalking me, screaming at him for information on me. Whilst screaming at him too, she has "pictures" of me, which I didn't know because my partner took them while we were facetiming, which she is trying to use it as blackmail to him, of saying "I have pictures of her". Now one year later, she still trying to stalk me, she apparently wants to threaten my health because they have an "estranged" relationship and despite blocking her on every social media platform and ensuring my corners are covered, I still have this sinking feeling that something is going to happen, and it keeps me up at night, feeling extremely anxious and no matter where I go and what I do I still feel like she will do something.

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Strider1981|New Contributor|Last message 10 days ago
Marriage is slipping away and its my fault

Hi I felt like I needed to reach out. I'm in a situation where I've made my partner feel unsafe because of my actions and I'm desperate to show her that what I did is not the man I am trying to be or want to be. First of all let me say our marriage was good for the most part we were dating for years and we became best friends and naturally when the decision came up to take the next step we had no hesitation. The main two areas of struggle over the years were finances and sex. We both were working decent jobs and I was the one earning more initially when we got married we had our first child soon after but then employment issues came on my end where companies I worked for either shut down or laid off staff and this made things a bit difficult but we both stuck together and worked through it. I found new employment but then she began to get difficulty at her company but more in terms of high work load and unreasonable deadlines from management. Eventually she left the company because it was beginning to affect her health. Once again we worked through this period, I did not put any pressure on her to go back out to work I tried my best to maintain what we had on my own. But what I didnt realize is that is seemed she was grown resentful over this period but never communicated this. Fast forward to 2025 once again financial instability crept up she was getting difficulty with management again and I told her if its affecting her dont stay even though I felt reluctant as we had just started to turn things around financially. She's been home a few months now but she's telling me she doesnt feel financially safe because once again Im struggling to maintain the home. She believes men should be able to take care of the household which wasnt and ideology she had before but suddenly this is her stance. It makes me feel like Im not doing enough as a father and husband so there's that aspect of it.  In terms of sexual challenges she had been abused by a step parent when she was in her teens and to be fair she did mention this relatively early in our relationship before we got intimate. I was shocked at first but I cared about her so much I didnt think it was fair to let an unfortunate situation determine her happiness. I honestly didnt know what I was getting into. It was a difficult road but I was patient and eventually we were able to enjoy sex with each other. I tried different methods to make things different and interesting for her [edited by moderator]. Things were going pretty well in that regard. However when the children came along things changed less time to be together etc. The situation became a bit strained again in that regard and she began to not have a strong interest in sex. Once again I decided to be patient tried to work through things with her and remain faithful to our marriage. This is leading up to what I did is now my deepest shame and regret. There were times not very often when after we were intimate that I snuck back again without asking her. This had never happened before in our relationship and I dont know why I did it if it was lust or frustration I have no excuse. Obviously she got upset and I felt like how could I hurt the person I care so much about because of my urges. I tell myself what was the point of trying to be faithful and still cause this pain to her. I feel like trash and I really want to make up for what I did but at the moment she doesnt feel safe being around me and I understand but it hurts. It was not something that occurred very often but the fact it occurred a couple times is once too many. Right now she feels like she wants to go and seems to be already looking for other people. That too hurts but I can understand because clearly I cant provide financial or physical security she is looking for at the moment. Im trying my best to work on myself and I am getting help to address my issue. The only positive is she still is at the house ( I believe mainly from the lack of finances and options) and we share separate sleeping areas. I miss the days we had before when it was just us against the world and I feel like I've thrown that all away. We still have conversations but its not the same. She says give her time she needs to process things and I understand this but it just feels like Im losing her and I feel like I have to accept the fact things may never be the same or she may leave eventually. She said to me one time she doesn't feel supported even though I've been doing my best to support her ideas, dreams, raising the children, being there for her when things at work werent good or with her family. Yet she says that this is her truth. That too stings as well.    I dont think Im a bad person Im always there for her and my children. I give them my last if it means Im the one who would sacrifice just to make sure they got what they want. I always try to do the right thing and thats how Im raising my children to be. They are good kids and doing well at school. They dont lack for anything despite our financial situation because of my family support. My wife is focusing on herself so I found myself doing the bulk of the interactions i.e. school, making meals etc with them but when I think about it this was happening for a while now.  I try to talk to her and tell her how I feel and try to get an idea of how she feels but it feels like Im talking to myself at times. Like she is emotionally checked out. I'd like to speak to a marriage councilor or therapist but  my wife doesn't seem ready when I raised it so I wont push it. All I know is I feel like I have this heavy weight on my chest and I dont know what to do. Im trying to do things I usually enjoy but nothing seems to help. I've been struggling at work to focus and its hard when you have to interact with customers to put on a pleasant demeanor when inside you are crumbling. Im trying to stay strong to keep everything together but I feel so alone without her. I have my family but its not quite the same. I feel like I know the answers but Im still hurting.

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BKind2|New Contributor|Last message 6 days ago
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