Mm fair enough @creative_writer, hypervigilance is tricky! Awareness really helps, as does experiential learning; i.e. I think overcoming this inherent belief that people aren't genuine might require building a new relationship (be it a friendship, romance, or something else), in which you have repeated exposure to someone not taking advantage of you. I've found in my own relationships that overcoming my attachment trauma neccessitated me being quite open and vocal about my past and my patterns.
So like, informing a new person of the times in the past where I become highly dysregulated in response to perceived rejection, and that whilst I do try to manage on my own, sometimes I may seek reassurance or ask odd questions to help me put anxious thoughts to rest. For you, that might look like letting the person know that you are actively working on things, but that sometimes you may seem like you're suspicious of them or don't trust them. You can then work together on finding the best ways to communicate/create boundaries/what support you might need in those moments. If the person is a good lil egg, they would hopefully be very open to this process and provide consistency and reassurance as needed, to help demonstrate their loyalty and 'prove' to your system that not all people are out there to take advantage. If not, then maybe they're not the right person!
Striving for perfection is all well and good - as long as it's tempered with ensuring you're not neglecting other needs, and that you don't degrade or punish yourself if you don't quite reach the mark. Near enough is good enough, and you're also balancing everything alongside your recovery, which means some time/energy has to be directed elsewhere. I think that's why I say, do your best, but understand that your best is gonna look different every day 😉
