I can’t cope

[Ru-bee]

Morning @Captain24 how are you doing?

How are you feeling about your psych appointment now? I can see that you were feeling a bit unsure earlier today which is fair enough. Are you feeling a bit better about going now?

[Captain24]

Hey @Ru-bee 

I have a pounding headache but I have gotten here. I’m just sitting in the waiting room and have been told ahead of time is running late. That’s the adhd in her! 

I’m a bit anxious as we have so much to go through and I’m scared to tell her everything. What if I breakdown while I’m with her? I usually don’t but this one is a lot. 

I am glad that I am here though as it’s a pretty place but it has just started raining so I hope it stops before I get out of my appointment. I really want to walk along the beach before I leave. Some grounding and mindfulness after a hard appointment 

[Ru-bee]

Proud of you for getting yourself there @Captain24 

I know it's never a comfortable thing to break down, but if you do I suppose there are worse places to do it. Having said that it's completely understandable to feel anxious about it. I know I never like to break down in front my psych, even though I know logically that it's a very natural and okay thing, it is never too nice in the moment, often I would feel better the next day though.

I'm hearing this will be a big session and really glad that you've got those plans of taking a nice grounding walk along the beach. Really hoping the rain holds off after your session!

[EternalFlower]

@Captain24 thanks for writing. I called yesterday and was told a woman called J will call me tomorrow 🙂 Its a bit of a wait coz a public holiday today. I wasn't sleeping properly and was up all night but I fell asleep okay last night so hopefully the next few days goes a bit easier.

[Captain24]

My psych appointment was ok @Ru-bee. My voice did break when I was reading her everything. My feelings and everything. It was full on to go through my list. 

We talked more about how I am now identifying my feelings. How it’s ok to be grieving the life I could have had if my adhd and asd were diagnosed sooner. We also talked about my progress. How much has changed in the last 12 months of seeing her. She is proud that I did a self care day. She says today is a self care day. We are having another appointment next week to work on my anxiety around hospital because my surgery ame up a lot and she asked if I was concerned about it. We went through a lot of stuff about it but she wants to help me deal with my anxiety before I go in. 

It stopped raining and the sun was shining so I got to go for my walk and now I’m standing here in the rain typing this. It feels so nice to be on the beach standing in the rain. So it has been a wholesome morning. Now to drive home. 

Im dressed in denim shorts and a gingham shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Totally looking like a country girl. Then I was driving through the Main Street and a Lee Kernaghan song came on. I couldn’t have looked anymore bushy if I tried! 😂 

 

 

  

  

[Captain24]

Hopefully she calls you tomorrow @EternalFlower. I’m glad you finally got some sleep though. 

[EternalFlower]

@Captain24 thank u very much i appreciate your support

[Ru-bee]

Sounds like it was a good session over all @Captain24 

Good on you for getting yourself there today and for having the hard conversations.

Love those photos too!

[Captain24]

It was @Ru-bee. I’ve been tho king about it while I’ve been driving. 

We also talked about how I had a self care day and pushed myself so hard the day before so I could do it. She said she was ok with that as I did have a me day but we are going to work on the ‘I need to work harder to get it’ but right now if that’s what it takes to give me some down time then to do it. She would rather that than nothing at all. 

This is a shock!! I’ve been trying to show myself some compassion for giving my boss attitude, mainly my rude abrupt comment. I’ve got a lot of medical stuff going on at the moment plus my life stuff so of course I was going to break when someone was rude to me. Should I have done it? No. Can I see the reasons behind it? Yes. 

It’s been a very thought provoking drive. I still have a long way to go to get home but now I have peak hour traffic in the mountains so that will slow me down. 

Thanks for recognising the effort and organising it takes to head down there. 

[AuntGlow]

Of course @Captain24 🥰

I understand and that's completely valid... this may have been asked before, but what would it be like to explore a new role or workplace?

Aww, I am sending one virtually!!

I hear you... doing anything from that place can be utterly exhausting. 😔

When will your surgery be?

How did your psych appointment go?? I am looking forward to hearing about it. 🤩