I can’t cope

[Ru-bee]

Wow that is a big trip @Captain24 but it sounds like it'll be a nice change to have that face to face appointment.

Good on you for getting that shopping done! I hear that's extra hard today but you're still getting things done 🙂

[Captain24]

It is nicer face to face but we cope really well with Telehealth. All my appointments are, my dietitian and my Pdoc @Ru-bee. Both of those only do Telehealth but that’s fine with me. 

I’ve cooked the stir fry and schnitzels now to put them into containers ready to just pick up and pack for work. That’s my next step. 

[Captain24]

They are all packed away @Ru-bee. Now to cut up Pix’s food and clean the kitchen. The kitchen is really overwhelming though. 

[AuntGlow]

Hey @Captain24! How are you feeling? 

I can see it's a challenging motivation day for you... I had a few days like this last week and I was really down on myself as well - the head talk can get really loud, can't it?

I am curious, what feels like the biggest obstacle when you consider everything you need to do right now? Is it your energy levels, the amount you need to do, pressure you're putting on yourself, or something else? 

I'd love to get specific so that I can support you a bit better. 💛

[Captain24]

Hey @AuntGlow 

My energy levels, how much I have to do and putting pressure on myself to do it all. But it all has to be done as I’ve got work tomorrow and my house needs to be clean for my parents to come into. So basically all of the above. The overwhelming feeling of it all is so hard 

[Captain24]

I’m having a meltdown. 

[AuntGlow]

Okay, I am with you @Captain24 💛

I know how all-encompassing that feeling can be, truly. 

Can you identify what you need most in this moment? 

[Captain24]

I honestly don’t know what I need @AuntGlow. It’s like an instant spiral. It’s pretty quick. 

I know what caused it. So I need to plan my day the way I normally do. Do everything in the mornings and then earn my me time. I need the morning routine and not change it. 

I did get the kitchen and ensuite clean. I really need to vacuum and sweep the floors but I don’t think I can do it. It’s like I can’t do anything. This meltdown is fast, deep, dark and overwhelming. 

[AuntGlow]

I understand what you mean @Captain24. 

This is really great awareness around what you might be needing for the week ahead. Though I would like to shift the language juuust a bit towards focusing on what you need to do first so that you have space to fully immerse yourself into whatever you want to do for you - but this isn't about 'earning' anything. You could have done nothing productive today and I would still be fully supportive of you taking 'me time'. 🥰

It sounds like this part of you becomes very overwhelmed when they can't keep up with everything, and honestly, that is SO fair. I can hear you putting a lot of pressure on yourself right now... is there a way you can alternate between something productive and something joyful/restful? I am just thinking that some balance might be helpful here? 

[Captain24]

I’m at work for the next 2 days and then 2 nights @AuntGlow. The floors can wait until Wednesday on my changeover day. I will go shopping first thing so I don’t run into anyone. Wednesday I run into this couple that talk to me about all their problems for about an hour and I can’t take it. Then I’ll clean my house in order and in routine. I can’t have a meltdown before I go to sleep for work. 

It’s hard to change the thoughts around earning me time. I think it stems from having to earn anything. 

Im just sitting on the lounge now because I didn’t do everything. I don’t deserve anything. 

I think this is where the meltdown comes in. I can’t do the floors. It’s also hard cause it’s raining and the dogs bring in the wet grass on their feet.