I can’t cope

[Ru-bee]

Morning @Captain24 I'm just catching up on things from the weekend but can see that last night was especially difficult for you and wanted to see how you're feeling this morning?

[Captain24]

Hi @Ru-bee 

Thank you so much for checking in. I really appreciate it. You bought a tear to my eye. It was nice to come out of work and see that someone cared. 

I’ve been at work all day. It’s the longest I have been out of bed since last Sunday. 

It was a pretty hard shift. Lots of talk about dying on the radio station and something was said in the car on the way in from the pit and it’s given me another plan. Like I needed another one. I’ve been thinking about it the whole drive home and still thinking about it. 

Im not really doing well but I made the whole day at work. So I guess that’s a plus. Now to get through tonight

Thank you so much. You really have no idea what it meant to me.

[AuntGlow]

I am so glad to read that @Ru-bee helped you to feel seen and supported @Captain24 - you absolutely deserve that level of care. 💛

How are you feeling tonight after such a long day at work? (Good on you by the way - please do something nice for yourself if you can this evening. 🥰)

[Captain24]

Tired, drained, lotsa thoughts. New plans to make. @AuntGlow 

I had leftovers for dinner, I normally wouldn’t eat but I’m trying. 

I’ve had a shower. 

If you can’t be bothered with me that’s ok. I’m not worth it anyway. 

[AuntGlow]

You are trying and you should be really proud of yourself and your efforts @Captain24 💗

How did the shower feel for you? 

And of course you are worth it, silly! 

[Captain24]

The shower was good. It means I don’t have to get up earlier and have one in the morning @AuntGlow 

Not really. Not with a new plan. I’m thinking of what I need to buy. Im a failure.

[AuntGlow]

That's great planning ahead - I like it! @Captain24 

Okay, so this tells me things are feeling really overwhelming, and your brain is doing its very best to protect you. But maybe we can put these plans to the side for now and focus on keeping you safe tonight. Can we do that together? 💛

[Captain24]

Not that kind of planning @AuntGlow. Not a good planning. The bad kind. The kind that crisis lines ask about. 

We can try

[AuntGlow]

I was referring to your shower as great planning ahead. ☺️💛@Captain24 

I know what your plans are referring to and that's why I want to be here as much as I can before I finish up tonight. I wonder if calling Lifeline would be helpful right now? 

[Captain24]

Sorry I’m stupid and misunderstood. @AuntGlow. I’m such a loser 

The thought of calling sends my heart racing. I can’t handle a panic attack on top of everything else.

I know.. I’m useless