CPTSD

[IMLTCL]

I'm new here and a bit unsure of where to start.

I'm married with 2 kids (1y/o and a new born). I was diagnosed with CPTSD/Anxiety/Depression as a result of childhood trauma.

As a result, I struggle to maintain relationships/friendships and have no family support due to the abuse I sustained as a child.

I also found out my husband had been sexting another woman whilst I was pregnant with our second child. Naturally it was and is completely soul destroying.

I guess I'm here as Motherhood is lonely and I'm feeling more isolated than ever. I don't really like "people" generally speaking because of my lived experience but I'm craving connection. I'm also feeling really disconnected from my Husband as now he's just another person in my life who has let me down.

Is there anyone who can comment on how they find and maintain meaningful connections with others when they have CPTSD? Or even just some words of wisdom please.

[avant-garde]

Hey @IMLTCL 

Firstly, welcome to the forums! We're glad you found us. 

Secondly, it sounds like you've got a lot of really hard stuff going on that's going to take a bit to process, that's no easy task. 

I can't relate to the romantic relationship side of things, but the friendship side, absolutely. 

I too have C-PTSD, anxiety and depression from childhood and adult trauma. I'm classed as neurodivergent as a result. I find it difficult to maintain small talk or how to strike up conversation. 

Maintaining relationships can take some work... but I get a lot of practice and people I consider friends are quite used to my quirks now. 

i find that I'm most successful when we have common ground. I'm very creative and so a lot of the community groups I attend have a creative focus. I have a few other groups I attend that have different focus points but still something I at least kind of enjoy. 

You're not alone here, your need for connection is completely normal. 

[IMLTCL]

Thanks @avant-garde I appreciate you taking the time to reply and your insight.

I guess where I struggle is that I don't really like small talk and I prefer deep meaningful conversations. 

Usually people don't take to me and I assume they think I'm rude or snobby because I don't always engage but I guess it's difficult because I can't walk around wearing a tshirt with a warning label, nor do I wish to disclose my whole life story or diagnosis with everyone or anyone. So where does it leave me?

If it's not too invasive, can I ask what some of your quirks are? And are they related to CPTSD or being neurodivergent? I've never spoken to anyone else with CPTSD and I guess I'd like to know if how I perceive the world is a "me thing"or a "CPTSD thing".

Thanks again.

[AuntJobiska]

• My brother-in-law has cPTSD and he's been married to my sister for over thirty years, he's a fabulous human being, personally I disagree with the cptsd diagnosis but hey... (From a psychologist)... They have a rock solid relationship, he has rock solid relationships with mates from his childhood, they went on a holiday to Italy recently with the best man and his wife from their wedding years ago... He used to catch up regularly with the Catholic Bishop every month for coffee... he's one of the people I have most respect for (my brother-in-law, not the Bishop!) 

He also had a very successful career, was Chief Prison Officer for his state. So cPTSD doesn't mean you can't have fantastic stable long-term relationships and be good at your job. Not sure if that helps?

[MittensMel]

Hello!

I think we might have somethings in common. I’m also a woman diagnosed with CPTSD (as well as adhd) and I have kids and a long term partner. I was married previously but things got strange and controlling, so it fell apart. 

I also find it difficult to connect with people and dislike small talk. My therapists have commented I have autistic traits and perhaps that’s why. 

I do prefer talking about more deep and meaningful topics in general. 
the one way I’ve discovered making friends lately is to go to an interest focused group. I’m currently going to DnD once a week and have made some friends there. 
Otherwise my friendships are online based and it can be difficult for me to remember to message but I try to make an effort 🙂 

anyways, just wanted to comment to let you know you are not alone in your experiences and feelings! If you want to chat I’m open to that too. 

[Longingforpeace]

I have CPTSD and I’m neurodivergent. Honestly I think regardless of your personal challenges with relationships - your husband needs to own his own choices. Unless you specifically told him to go off and do that or have allowed it in your relationship his behaviour is wrong. 

I’ve learned that we can often pick people who aren’t completely available because that feels safe. 

really I’m figuring it out myself. It sucks. All I ever wanted was a family - I have one now and my trauma impacts my life by wanting to destroy it, to start fights, something because calm doesn’t feel safe. Lots and lots of therapy. Understanding your nervous system and mindfulness. 

[Jynx]

Hey @MittensMel @Longingforpeace just a lil tip, if you want other members to be notified that you've responded, you can tag them - use the @ symbol and a drop down will appear, and you can choose their name. If their name isn't there, you can type it out and it should then appear for you to select, then it will show up in blue, like this: @IMLTCL 

[IMLTCL]

@MittensMel thanks for taking the time to reach out, it's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one.

I do try really hard to connect with people but it doesn't feel right, like super artificial and almost manufactured. It's exhausting having to mask constantly and pretend, which is why I tend not to bother. I have connected with people previously but it never seems long term (they're choice not mine, which feels cruel because I work so hard to find a genuine conversation).

I guess it's hard to go long term feeling like no one sees me. I would be more than happy to chat as I am always keen to make a friend 🙂

[Patches59]

Hi @IMLTCL   Welcome to the forums.   As has been already been mentioned, you are not alone here.

I’m a 62yo old widow who has been diagnosed with CPTSD due to childhood and adult trauma.

I have never been able to maintain a long term friendship, even as a child due to things that happened when I was in both primary and secondary schools.

Similar to @avant-garde only people I feel comfortable around and talk with are through activities I’m in where there is some common ground.  Even so, I only feel comfortable talking to them about general things.  Even so, I look forward to going to the activities and being with those people.  People who have accepted me for who they see me as.  I find it helps me by getting out of the house and spending time with these people.

please know, you are not alone.

We are here for you and always happy to chat.  

take care, sending you hugs. 🤗🤗

[IMLTCL]

@Patches59 Thanks for taking the time to respond. Can I ask; do you feel connected? Like people actually see you? Do you have family around you?

And if not, how do you fill the void other than what you've mentioned.

Maybe you don't feel a need to, or you don't have a void, but I definitely do, so I ask in the hopes that you might provide further insight. 

For me, with no family support and no close friends it weighs heavily on me and impacts my self worth.