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08 Jul 2024 12:48 AM
10 Jul 2024 01:11 AM
10 Jul 2024 01:11 AM
Yo @TAB been thinking of you today & had toes crossed that procedure was positive and drs & nurses give you best care. Wishing u a sturdy recovery.
❤️🏆
My day was very solitary. It annoyed me & made me stronger.
Hope you are having good rest. Take it easy buddy🐻
10 Jul 2024 01:40 AM
10 Jul 2024 01:40 AM
@starr I get so angry because I cannot function like I was / am.
I will do it. I am going to be me as far as I can. I don't care about fear anymore. Fear made sad.
I can be me. All I have to do is let go. I am ashamed & humiliated. They are my old stories.
I don't know if I can do it. I have never done it before. I want to be me. That's all.
I am so f$$ing scared. I don't know why. I am good person. I am afraid of being laughed at. I am afraid of not having control xx
10 Jul 2024 05:56 AM
11 Jul 2024 11:59 AM
11 Jul 2024 11:59 AM
I sense that a lot of anger in people like you and I who were abandoned in early childhood hood with significant attachment wounds… is partly our LIFE FORCE. A form of our strength… that… fear interfered with at the deepest levels… anger is the over correcting… beneath fear and anger is the place I aim for…. In meditation and my music…
authenticity… is rarely fixed or solid
love
you being you
04 Aug 2024 01:00 PM
04 Aug 2024 01:00 PM
Oh @TAB you are always a s/a.... I'm happy you are still here.
04 Aug 2024 01:30 PM - edited 04 Aug 2024 01:33 PM
04 Aug 2024 01:30 PM - edited 04 Aug 2024 01:33 PM
Thankyou so much @Appleblossom You can read my soul. It's deeply reassuring. I like the release of self imposed pressure, to ALWAYS be this perfect ideal of myself.
I know I feel best when I am authentic & genuine with myself - then again, this can be wildly 'soul destroying'. It's all about self care & accepting me as I am right now. *Spoiler - I don't think I do ....... yet,? , perhaps, ?
So much comparing to others
If I only compare to me - I slayed the beast with no more than a mirror.
Yes, anger, amongst potentially abundance of other negative emotions ( not'bad' or 'wrong ' - negative as in they take away from me) is the over correction.
i.e. because one feels a sense of missing, or lost pieces of oneself - we attempt to 're-gain' (power?) or prevent further loss.
Have I interpreted you correctly?
It's a form of self punishment, the overcorrection.
I think it is brain doing its normal function, a very strong red stop sign, or red light, to bring to our attention, an error has occurred.
Except that, sometimes the brain gets it wrong. And, all I am left with is a big red pile, telling me, it is no longer safe to move.
- or do, or be...
I'm thinking that finding connection to myself is more of unconscious process. It is the moments, it would not occur to me, to seek outside attention. Maybe, making a meal, or wondering what it's like to feel myself breathing ...& then wondering... can this, alone give me pleasure?
I know the answer is yes, (because I have had this experience when taking bad drugs mmkay) obviously I don't want to go down that path (I don't want anything to own me) but, I love to imagine that laying & feeling my breath, is a pleasurable feeling.
Thankyou for your care xx love youxx
@Shaz51 xx
I hope I haven't says too much, & given away my secret plan for world domination!!
Man, to live a life where I was mostly in TheZone.
Is that even possible in today's busy, consumerism society. Trying to maintain security, safety in each new moment?
I don't know the answer.
It is beautiful dream.
I will settle for 80%
Be great and know how much you all add to my life. Gorgeous, sexy, leaders xx
19 Aug 2024 10:46 PM
19 Aug 2024 10:46 PM
Dear @StanD
We are different in some ways but also similar….I was told to express more anger by using a baseball bat on a beanbag…. Way back in the early 1980s… think I have made up for it since.., but still not totally sure what is anger and what is energy… at times it is obvious and at times not… I know I know…. A bit cuckoo…
it’s been a while since I have been on the forums.
Love
Apple
25 Aug 2024 12:03 AM
25 Aug 2024 12:03 AM
Yeh I get that. Fear creates sad feelings. I’ve been in a swamp hole, letting the leaking lurches get to my state of mind.
but I had to step out of town and it did me good. Temporary style! It wasn’t much. But one tick where I felt my old self return. Hadn’t seen her round for a long long long time.
Then yep. I was angry at the lurching leech’s. The irony of life!
12 Oct 2024 02:11 AM
12 Oct 2024 02:11 AM
My uptake is incredibly delayed I’m sorry @TAB @StanD @Appleblossom @Shaz51
I have been forgetting many things.
Let alone recalling passwords.
I’ve re-created myself in some ways, not a stranger here.
I had to take leave of absence, minus my new existence being late on reply. Another leave of absence of sorts.
So many names thank you I remember you all. 😊
Life evolves!
I was pondering thought earlier, of which Coldplay’s song might shed light..’ am I part of the cure, or am I part of the disease’..
Of course life can draw many analogies, dependent on which day, which time, environment etc.
Im very tired, signing off..but I made return. 😊
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