Triggered and messy

[IdentityFerret]

I have CPTSD, much of it related to 2 decades of DV.

I am recovering slowly, so, so slowly. With soooooo much work.

Today, in a totally unrelated event, the cashier at the service station locked me and a few other people in the store.

He suspected some teens of stealing. Icecreams or something, I don't care. And he rolled down the roller door and I was trapped. 

I couldn't think. I took some terrible footage. It was only a few minutes, but I didnt know in the moment that it wouldn't be forever, or violent, or I don't know any of these people, and even if I did, I don't care.

I didn't lose my sh*t. I think that might have made things worse, I don't know. I hate the freeze response so much.

The non emergency police line keeps me on hold for 45 minutes and then tells me to try again. Crimestoppers says they can't take that kind of report.

This is going to set me back so f*cking far. How am I going to pay for fuel again? How am I going to work and sleep and go into any building with one exit, or anywhere I don't know. 

It's not fair. It's been years. Why do strangers get to have so much power over my whole life without even noticing?!?!

[Dreamy]

Hi @IdentityFerret, I'm so sorry to hear of what happened today and i can understand how it would have left you feeling triggered. I can hear the worry of how much you feel it's going to set you back and the concerns of how you are going to be able to do certain things moving forward. Have you got someone to talk to about what's happened whether it be a professional or even a friend or family member? 

I know how hard this is and it's so frustrating when you have been working so hard to overcome things and then something happens and sets you back.

Please know that you are not alone, we are here for you. I'm here if you ever want or need to chat, take care of yourself ❤️

[Flowerflesh]

Fuuuuuuu@@@k that's terrible. I hope u can take hold of ALL the support you need and deserve.

[hotmess]

You the cpsd is not fun eh… 

would it be helpful if you can get someone to come with you to get feul ? or go to those unmanned fuel places ?  
I hate being trapped in places , loud noises, unexpected weirdness.. I’m just finding my triggers and ways to deal with them and ask for help that bit is soo hard