@Ed1975 it is serious abuse with all the complications of watching and experiencing it yourself, plus the life long cptsd.
I am sorry you lost your brother to suicide. It's a death that is extremely difficult to grieve.
We had CSA in our family in complex dynamics. My father was not the perpetrator but abused himself as a child in an orphanage, then 4 of us in the next generation also ended up in orphanages. 2 of us, at least were sexually assaulted. 2 siblings suicided and one died of cancer. How do we live through that stuff? Idk. I am not doing well at the moment mainly cos I couldn't stop the transmission of intergenerational trauma to my son, despite my best efforts.
All we can do is share a bit and walk along together. In some ways with shame often silencing us, it is important to be open and real about it.
I have spent all my spare money on therapy all my life. Not many coffees or movies as just surviving was more important. Do what you have to regarding therapy. Get started, spread it out so you can actually afford it. The money is one thing, but the coping with feelings coming up, can also mean you want to go slow with it sometimes. Respect your own sense of what is working and your own timing.
Btw.. I do get to have virtual coffee with @Shaz51 and feel a sense of belonging on here.... with @Till23 and others....
Hey @Phoenix65
