Grief & loss - may be triggering

[Former-Member]

@Adge

oh my goodness....

this company or organisation for whom you work is breaking so many work place rules..

fair work ombudsman is an option...

even if you rang and spoke to them...just to hear officially that their behaviour towards you is unacceptable..

There may be an option somewhere to report anonymously...I really don't know in this day and age..

main thing is that you are sticking to your values and principles...well done....they have not taken that away from you...

how are your birds?

[Adge]

Thanks @Former-Member Disability work can be very isolating, working on your own one on one with people. It's hard to keep my head above water, quite often.

I really appreciate the interactions & responses I have with people on here. It's not the same as face to face, but it does help.

My birds are doing well & seem quite happy, thanks. Except for the heat.

I could see them panting out in the aviaries yesterday afternoon, so I sprayed the aviary roofs with the garden hose.

They love that (it cools them down) - the canaries & finches huddle up to the wire to get a bit of a shower from the hose.

I bought a few lovely canaries a few days ago, bright orange with brown wings (& a white one). So there's a few more of them happily singing away out there, at the moment.

It's so lovely to wake up to the sound of my canaries singing in the morning. I wouldn't want to go without it....

Adge

[Former-Member]

You said:
"It's so lovely to wake up to the sound of my canaries singing in the morning. I wouldn't want to go without it...."

That's lovely @Adge, waking to your canaries singing.

Work sounds 'same old' I feel the same isolation doing comm support work, were very vulnerable going into people's homes etc. You take care Adge. 🐦💜

Hiya @Former-Member 💜

[Former-Member]

Yes @Mohilll, I'm currently in a non-declutter mode. Brain every where else lol

[Adge]

Poor Dad. He's been gone almost 2 years now.

He said "Goodbye, I'll see you soon" the last time I ever heard him (on the telephone). I wish I could have seen him soon.

I never saw him again, he died the next day.

It's been too hard the last few days, especially today. Work keeps me in constant stress, & triggers hyper-vigilance (CPTSD) symptoms repeatedly.

Then I come home to living alone, with no company or social support of my own at home. After supporting people who have aggressive behaviours & who hit me, all day.

It's too much, I can't do it any more. It's all so meaningless. I just want to curl up in a ball, & make it all go away...

Adge

[Former-Member]

Oh @Adge, this is a hard day for you, and its your dad's passing anniversary is hitting you hard this year. I feel your pain in your words. Of cause it all seems too much tonight... I hear you...
- too hard the last few days ✳
- work is constant stress
- daily hostile clients
- cPTSD triggers repeatedly
- come home to living alone
- no company or social support
- it all seems too much
- fears we can't take any more
- it all seems so meaningless
- wanting to curl up in a ball (escape)
- make it all go away...

😟 hugzz @)Adge,

deep breaths,

believe me when I say - it will pass

Are you safe?

Please email one of the sane @Former-Member,  @moderator and have a chat, or ring suicide callback, or lifeline, & talk it out a bit - I find it takes the edge of the emotional pain, the distress - and the dark thoughts then lesson enough to be stronger than them

How are you now? (an hour+ since you posted) - let me know you're safe. Talk more...

[Adge]

Thanks @Former-Member
Goto go to work now. Early start, often early starts.
So tired.
Yoga class straight after work this afternoon.
Then dinner & bed straight after.
Adge

[Former-Member]

Good to hear from you @Adge, rest sometimes helps. At work myself atm. Chin up bro 🙂

[Former-Member]

Thinking of you @AdgeAdge, hope you're having an early night. Sleep tight. Light & love your way 💜

[Adge]

Thanks so much @Former-Member That's a lovely quote.

Yes I've survived almost drowning at least twice (had to be rescued) when young.

I survived long-term childhood abuse, neglect & SA which continued for more than 20 years.

I almost died twice in hospital (they told me) before & after my emergency bowel surgeries.

I've survived several serious assaults, one at the workplace where I worked.

You're right, I have been through a lot.

My psychologist has said several times that I am very resilient - I wish I could remember (& feel) that way.

Adge