Grief & loss - may be triggering

[Adge]

I'm still thinking of you @Former-Member, & your Mum.

I was thinking of my Dad today, too. He's been gone almost 2 years now, & I miss him.

People said months ago that I seemed fine, & that I must have got over it etc.

It was never fine, & no I haven't. I just don't think of Dad very often, which is sad.

I never was able to talk to anyone about him, either (except on forum).

Adge

[Former-Member]

😞

[Former-Member]

Nice to hear from you @ Adge, we don't 'get over it' - we learn to live with it. Sonw call it acceptance, but i don't think its that simple.  I must say - the distress of losing my girl hung round for 5yrs. The first 2yrs the hardest. With my mum - I don't 'feel' anything - this doesn't make sense to me. My brain remembers her so sick, and the funeral - but my heart keeps expecting she'll come home. Silly I know. I've been wondering how u are and wish u well. Give yourself time xox

Today dad got a letter from the bank saying my sister contacted him as the executor of mum's will / estate, he is no longer to receive mail about his wife's wishes but must go through Mt sister. How low is she? The tells u m nothing, its life me he's in sible to her (probably because of his memory loss) but he is still there, remembered the bank saying they'll get back to him about mum's bank account. And people wonder why she challenge her application to be dad's sole guardian. Poor dad, I find this toxic two faced person, my earth sister, ruthless. Mum a only made carol & hubby executor because the people she really wanted refused. Makes me feel ill to the stomach. Did u have much I o do with ya mum or dad's affairs Adge? I could have done it but after a Mental Breakdown, people are ever worried we won't cope when the chips are down. Funny how they also a at away and offer no support as we navigation our way out of the valley f death.

There, had my whine, grr

[Adge]

Yes I know what you mean @Former-Member I keep expecting Dad to come back too...

Thanks.

Adge

[Former-Member]

hello @Adge @Former-Member

Have noticed your likes Adge and thank you...

lapses...read your post about your sister...have just responded to your other thread..decluttering

when I worked in the finance industry...I witnessed relatives trying to sell up their parent's house and put them in a nursing home...their reasoning so that they can settle in whilst they are well!!

I have witnessed and heard some dreadful tales of selfish..materialistic,,,egotistical relatives

I sometimes feel that my husband's children can't wait to get their hands on his money ...they are so materialistice and egotistic..

lapses your feeling numb in relation to your mum passing is understanding to me..given the treatment and disrespect that you have received ....you worked so hard ...you cared for your mum despite the fact that she had not always been nice to you...you were intelligent enough to realise that she did love you deep inside...you have stayed by your dad's side emotionally after all of this...would have been far easier to start a new life for yourself...you didn't though...that is the loving person you are..

so as a result.. your emotions have not had any time or space to be released yet....you are possibly holding them in as you support your dad....I do hope that you have a specialist whom you trust and release some of those pent up emotions....acknowledge that they are there...

adge..yes 2 years is a very short space of time...we all grieve differently of course..other people come out with some absolute codswollup...they are often supercilious in their manner as well...because they of course are perfect in every way....a ridiculous statement to make.

my dad has been gone 19 years this september....I miss him when I think of the word dad...sometimes I tear up not as often though ....so we never lose the heartache we just learn to manoeuvre around it..I have other loss which I try my best to deal with and some days it is just all too hard..

the hardest part is standing tall against those people who are so quick to dismiss and disrespect our grief...those who do not even consider that we are grieving...those relatives who have dismissed our loved one from all conversation...causing us to feel that loved one never existed in their lives.,.

those people are the ones who are not in touch with their emotions...feelings...even thoughts...they have to deal with that themselves....that is their choice...

we can learn to accept what has happened...acknowledge the feelings when they arise....allow our emotions to flow when in a safe place to do so....just allowing ourselves to be...the emotions flowing through our blood through the veins of our bodies...dispelling outwards in a spiritual way..

hope not too deep...

bless you both and anyone else experiencing such grief 

I feel for you both...

[Adge]

Thanks @Former-Member You are very kind & thoughtful.

@Former-MemberI'm sorry to hear about the toxic family relations that you're having to deal with, & how your sister has been behaving.

I just wrote about the clearing & being put up for sale - of my family's house, the house that I grew up in.

I wrote a little about it on the Spring De-cluttering thread, for the first time (just now).

This has been bringing up a lot of grief for me, & is a cause of major grief on it's own.

Adge

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Adge, sorry if my story triggers your pain. That's one of the hardest things on saneforums. I'm hoping though, in some small way, lifting the lid on your grief will he'll you deal with it, but not too much at once. You're in control of that. I'll go back and have a read. Stay strong brother 🙂

[Adge]

It's okay @Former-Member
It gives me things & people to relate to.
Adge

[Former-Member]

apologies also @Adge @Former-Member

thinking of you both 

[Former-Member]

@Adge, hugzz
@Former-Member, your posts are incredibly insightful, and well written, & caring - I pause to reply in kind... but get lost... & sometimes forget 😞  Just want you to know that, that i hear you... and value you here... and the time & empathy you put into posts... even if i don't reply i try always to 👍  Thank you sister. Still hope to reply better soon.

What have you two been up to day?