TW: Relationship/ sex

[123Me]

I just need some advice / validation as I'm so lost and confused.

What does sex typically look like in a long term relationship? Married with children?

For context, I feel that my husband has a problem and his expectations are too high when it comes to intimacy. He says he feels love through sex and without it he feels unloved and ugly.

Once a week is not enough. He wants it 2 - 3 times a week. He wants dirty text messages, photos etc. Like when we first met 15 years ago. 

It has become a real sticking point in our marriage.

I work full time. We have 2 kids, one with additional needs. I take on the majority of the housework and life tasks. I'm tired. 

Am I being unreasonable? 

I honestly don't see how we move through this.

[Shadow73]

Hey, my wife and I are in a very similar situation.  If I can ask you a question it may help.  

do you initiate intimacy?  Do you pursue him and make him feel desired, wanted, attractive? 
This is where we are struggling and I know it makes a massive difference when both partners initiate.   

[123Me]

The expectation is that I will initiate, because he believes I have rejected him so many times that he is now scared to initiate, so won't.

There's always tension when we go to bed as he lies there waiting for me to start something. If I don't, he will often sigh and make passive aggressive comments about not getting it enough. 

I'm really struggling in our relationship as for years it has been about him and his mental health. I feel like I have supported him for years and never gotten anything in return.

My emotional needs are never met. He shows no interest in my life. Never asks me questions, shows little interest when I talk, offers no support when I have a problem or if I'm struggling. His needs have always overshadowed mine and I fear they always will.

It's hard to want to be intimate with someone who dismisses your feelings and focuses only on their own needs 😞

[Shadow73]

I get that initiation feeling, it’s super similar here.  

I start things nearly all the time, I would love if it was done even every now and then, just a little bit of effort both ways is very important.  

When you get intimate, how is it?  Does he do everything he can to make sure you feel good? That you enjoy? 
Are you both satisfied?