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Managing relationships

Dealing with betrayal.

Manama
Contributor

Dealing with betrayal.

Im writing to vent as I know what I should do I just can't bring myself to do it  

I (f) have been with my partner (m) for 11 years and have 3 beautiful babies together.

Since our last born I have felt a change in the relationship and over the last month I had come to find out he had emotionally cheated twice and one night he almost physically cheated had I not woken up and noticed he was not at home. He has told me he won't ever do it again and how he wants us to work it out and he needs help with his "problems" but I can't shake the feeling that he's lying still.

I can't leave him because of circumstances and because I am so in love with him and I feel like I can't talk to anyone because friends and family are extremely bias and even if I did something wrong they would have my side, so coming to an anonymous forum was my next best option.

4 REPLIES 4

Re: Dealing with betrayal.

Hello @Manama and welcome

That is such a hard situation to be in, I'm sorry that you're going through this. I'm glad that you've felt able to reach out here and share, especially if you haven't felt able to do that with those around you. That must feel pretty isolating.

It can be really challenging to rebuild trust after something like this, and can take some real time and effort. Have you considered going to couples counselling? That could give you another opportunity to explore what you've been feeling, and to work through it with the help of a professional, if that's what you're wanting to do. What do you think?

Re: Dealing with betrayal.

I would love to but I don't know how to bring up the conversation and he is already seeing therapists and doctors and has bad anxiety so I don't want to say something wrong

Re: Dealing with betrayal.

Hi @Manama  so sorry that this is your situation. Betrayal is so hard to deal with and so hard to come back from. 

My marriage was over within 2 years because of it. My now ex had a porn addiction which lead to multiple homosexual affairs- including when I was in hospital recovering from giving birth to our daughter.
He was never willing to address any of his issue and I had such a big trauma background that trust was already a massive struggle for me, there really was no other option for me but to leave him. Don’t get me wrong though, therapy can work, and I did give him 6 mths , but he didn’t show any change, he continued to lie to me and the damage had already been done. 

I lost a lot of friends- they couldn’t never see him doing the things that he did. I only had a few people that I could talk to about it who could see right through him. 

leaving was hard. I was on maternity leave still. I struggled to find a rental. And being a single mum for the last 7yrs has not been easy. It was one of the triggers to my decline in my mental health, but these forums have been an amazing support. 

I think you have to do what is best for you. I was so unhappy in the end, I was in a loveless marriage. Making that final decision to leave was really hard cause my parents divorced when I was young and I absolutely hated the every second weekend thing. I didn’t want that for my daughter- but she seems to be doing fine- she is 9 now. 

id really encourage you to find someone to talk to. For yourself. And couples therapy is worth a try if you want to save your marriage. 

how old are your kids?

 

here to listen 

Re: Dealing with betrayal.

I think I will try and find someone I can trust to confide in also but I think I will mention couples therapy even if we start off going separate to get comfortable.

Our kids are 11,6 and 4months.

 

Thank you for your input and I'm so sorry to hear all that. I hate to think I may have to start over but I'm also preparing for if that is what needs to happen