Feeling very alone and helpless

[SydMike]

My wife has either attempted to end or life or engaged in self harm four times within the last 4 weeks after undergoing major surgery to address a pain issue, which failed. 

She has experiend pain for the last 8 months, and we now know this pain is related to a centralised (brain based) nervous system issue, which requires re-wiring of the brain. In short, a life of stress, perfectionism, and self criticism 'locked' a pain signal in her brain which now needs be undone through brain retraining. 

Every day for the last 8 months I have been splitting my attention between work (I have now had to give this up), our children and my wife. Living in hope that she has turned a corner and devoting hours a day to reassuring her and research ways to help. 

I'm exhausted, and every day is a battle trying to address her negative thoughts about her future. She just doesn't believe she will get better, and continually begs me to let her go. 

We have two kids, dreams for the future, and a partnership i thought was unbreakable. I feel like I am grieving already, but every day trying to have a brave face for our kids and to reassure myself...

I'm losing hope as I can't MAKE her believe. 

She is in a MH clinic, and I am receiving some support from family however this is having a major toll on them also. 

My heart is just broken.

[Kim47]

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way it can be not easy to hold on to hope when you see a family member having lost hope.

I hope you are taking good care of yourself. 
Hope your wife is able to find something to resolve her pain.

you are a wonderful support to her. Please don’t give up.

[Judi9877]

Hello @SydMike . Welcome to the forums. It’s great that you’re here!

I'm  read that you’re going through a lot right now with your wife. That’s a heavy load to deal with, especially with young kids as well. Having to care for a person who self harms is very difficult, especially when you feel helpless and unable to help them. The main thing is that they are now seeking the required assistance and are in a safe place to do this. You also need to take care of yourself and the others around you.

 I’m both a carer and a person with lived experience of mental health - I’m currently caring for a person in a similar situation to you- and I’ve found that reaching out to a carer support group/ network is very important for my own mental health and that of the person I’m caring for. Speaking to fellow carers has made me realise that I’m not alone and they have also given me new ideas and suggestions as to what to do in this new role. This has included local support services and organisations in my region that can help with specific issues, such as financial things and ways to take care of myself. 

There is a carer forum on the SANE forums as well which you might find helpful to explore. I’ll tag @Shaz51 @tyme who might have other suggestions to help you who are very resourceful members of the SANE community.

You are doing a great job and I’m proud of you! 

Take care.

Judi9877

[SydMike]

Thank you